


Hellfire

by cookiesandturntables



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: I'm just a smol dyslexic who wants to share their ideas with the world...?, M/M, heh... thanks, so let me know if i do something really bad okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 15:57:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6290743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookiesandturntables/pseuds/cookiesandturntables
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor McKinley has had hell dreams every night since fifth grade.</p><p>  Just as he finally thought he had them all under control, something (or rather someone) is about to change that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Night One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! Thanks for clicking on my fic, heh. This is, after all, only my second one. I'm not that great at writing but really, I guess i just wanted to share my ideas. So, if you have any suggestions, or find any typos or anything, just drop me a line or something!

It is hot, very hot. Connor opens his eyes. He is met by the sweltering heat and light of hellfire. The light burns his eyes and the heat makes his skin burn and itch. He wants to scream, but the heavy air is stuck in his throat, almost suffocating him. He gasps for breath as he tries to move, but soon realises his wrists and ankles are bound to something behind him. Whatever is keeping him bound rubs and burns at his skin. Demons, lots of them, everywhere. They all take turns in adding slashes and burns to Connor's arms, legs and chest. This is much more vivid than any hell dream Connor has had in a long time.

And it's all his fault.

When he thinks it can't get any worse, it does. He screws up his eyes and tries to blink away the tears that have formed. They just fall from his face into his wounds and make them sting and throb. Through the darkness he hears a familiar voice cry.

"Connor!?!"

No, no that's not possible.

He opens his eyes and sees Elder Price bound to some kind of rock face, like him. Connor holds back a choked sob upon seeing him.

"K..Kevin?" he stammers. His eyes fall to Kevin's torso; bare, yet unscathed. That is, until the demons come back.

This time, they turn their attention to Kevin, smirking and making sure Connor can see everything.

Connor can no longer screw his eyes shut; something is stopping him. The demons leave slash after slash, burns and cuts all over Kevin's previously perfect, lightly tanned skin. Each time he tried to take the pain with a grimace, but once the demons have finished toying with him, his occasional yelps had turn to screams of agony and died down to terrified whimpers.

Connor watches wide eyed and screams out at the demons to stop. They barely even pay attention to him let alone listen to his broken pleas.

"Connor," A clean-cut voice says in the darkness. Connor hates that damn voice. "We've talked about this." A hand from the shadows gestures to Kevin, who weakly tries to move out of the way. Lucifer emerges from the shadows and dismissed the demons with a slightly too bony hand.

"I thought," he smirks. "We agreed to leave men out of your dreams." He paused. "So. Why. Is. There. Another. One?!" The fallen angel's voice rises to a shout. Connor winces and tried to shy away from the approaching figure. Lucifer pulls out a dagger. "If you don't," he says, his voice returning to normal, edged with scorn. "I will do this." He stabs the dagger straight down into Kevin's chest right where his heart is. Kevin doesn't even get a change to react before the life leaves his eyes. Connor screams.

Connor's scream carried across the room as he jolted awake, breathing harshly. He bit his lip and tried to stop the tears, but they came too fast. He buried his face in his pillow as sobs shook his chest. He hadn't had a hell dream that vivid for a long time. He wanted to scream again, but he knew he'd already woken up everyone. They knew by now to leave him.

This happened every time new missionaries he came. He couldn't help it, he tried, he really did. But this time was so much worse than any time before in Uganda. And that was Elder Price's fault.

He still felt the cuts and bruises bet his arms and legs and he frantically checked over them, finding no unbroken skin. Of course not, psychological wounds hurt just as badly, if not, worse.

'Just go back to sleep. You have to sleep.' His sleep deprived brain laughs at him. He hasn't slept solidly for over 8 years. He has to put up with this, there's a fine line between fatigue and insanity, but it's starting to blur for Connor, and that dream is pushing him closer to the distorted boundary.

'Just go back to sleep. You have to sleep.'

Sleep drags Connor back down to the hell he hates as he passes out, will overcome by fatigue.

He doesn't know how much more of this he can take.


	2. Night Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things only get worse.

It's hot and dry as per usual. The red rock scratches Connor's palms as he scrabbles for a handhold on the steep rocky slope. They force him to climb, the flames below hungrily licking at the base of the cliff face.

The climb goes on forever, the flames slowly catching up with Connor, who slows down due to fatigue. The flames start to burn his feet and he screams and cries out.

Suddenly a white ray of light leaks through a crack in the rock, and a hole just big enough to crawl through emerges from the cliff face. A hand grabs Connors own and pulls him into the hole. He gasps, but allows himself to be pulled through the hole, for some reason trusting the strange eerie white glow from the hand.

There is a loud rumble and a roar of flames, before the hole is sealed off by a rockslide. Worried, Connor collapses and curls up in a ball on the floor. The White light and any sense of its presence has disappeared and he is alone in the dark again.

Connor spent the remainder of his dream in the dark hole. It wasn't pleasant per say, but it wasn't torture, and that was something.

Suddenly, he heard a crackling. Flames began to flicker through tiny gaps in the rock and it suddenly got very hot very quick.

"Leave. Him. Alone," rang the unmissable clear cut voice as he was engulfed in flames, coughing, spluttering and screaming.

Connor jolted awake, mouth wide open, mid scream, eyes watering. He collapsed on the thin mattress again, sobbing violently. He just wanted them to stop. Was this really so wrong? He just didn't know. He curled up in a ball and shuddered until he eventually succumbed to sleep again.

Not much has changed since he was last here. The red rocks are still, if not more scratchy, and the heat just that tiny bit more unbearable. It feels so heavy, as it sits in his lungs, practically suffocating him. He winces as he feels the first slash appear. He sees the red line traced open on his pale skin, and there is nothing he cold do to stop it. His voice feels small and far away.

"Kevin...?" He whimpers quietly, each syllable burning his throat. "Make it stop." He forces out in a broken whisper. Nothing happens. He is utterly alone. Connor endures slash after slash, and although he knows it isn't real, he has no means of escaping the psychological torture. 'Maybe if i could just wake up,' He thinks about it very hard. 'Wake up, wake up,' he mutters to himself repeatedly. After screwing his eyes shut, he opens them again. He is back in his small, cramped bedroom, in Uganda.

Elder Price was sitting on Connor's bed, concerned. He'd only been here a day or two, and obviously hadn't got the memo to ignore Connor's nightly disturbances. The other bed was empty; Elder Thomas must have left the room to give Connor some peace.

Connor tried to sit up, but found that it was almost as if something was pressing down on his chest. Flames started to rise from beneath the bed. Connor stared wide eyed. This horror, this torture had never happened before. He wanted to cry for help, but he couldn't even open his mouth. He just stared, glassy eyes, at the ceiling, praying to whatever God may be out there that Kevin would save him from this terrible helldream.

"Elder are you alright?" Kevin asked. He had heard a scream for the second night in a row. He lightly placed a hand on Connor's arm, his worry growing when he didn't get a reaction out of the petrified Elder.

Connor felt Kevin's hand on his arm, but couldn't do much to react, and although the weight was still there, it felt somewhat lighter than it was before.

"I..." He tried to speak but his voice got caught in his throat, coming out as a small noise. He still felt pinned to the bed, but he managed to grip one of Kevin's hands and hold onto it tightly. The fire was still there, and he felt like a thousand lashes burned on his skin.

They were now there on Kevin's arms as well, and a look of pain was distorted his face. Connor knew it wasn't real, but he couldn't bear to see Kevin like that, real or not. He just started mumbling incoherently to himself, trying to cause some kind of distraction from the horror, but it wasn't really working.

Kevin was frowning more and more worried. He was never the best at comforting people, putting his own problems first. But this was obviously important.

"Hey, it's okay," he whispered. "It was all just a dream. You're safe." He could tell that Connor was still in a state of shock, so he was trying to calm him down.

Connor saw a silhouette move across the room, silent as ever. What he didn't see, was the glint of the knife it was holding in its hand. He looked over at Kevin, who seemed to be trying his best to comfort him. And although he was close, he felt so very far away, and distant. Conor wanted to reach out to him but he couldn't. Kevin smiled. That was enough to reassure Connor that everything would be okay.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, Connor saw a flash of steel but it was too late. The knife went straight through Kevin and the bloody tip stuck out of his chest, inches away from Connor. Kevin scream in pain and surprise and Connor no longer knew what was real and what wasn't anymore. Blood started to ooze from the stab wound, around the knife. Kevin's eyes glazed over, causing him to collapse on Connor. It all felt too vivid, too real. And Connor screamed.

Kevin was starting to freak out a little bit at this point. Despite his best efforts, Connor wasn't fully awake and now he was screaming. Kevin sat up and shook the Elder, trying not to be too rough.

"Elder.... Wake up..." He kept repeating, each time getting louder and louder than before.

Connor hated blood, especially when it was his, or even worse, Kevin's. The bed was now stained bright red and his hands glistened scarlet in the firelight; Connor couldn't take it anymore. His screams began to turn to broken cries and then to silent sobs, hot tears tracking down his cheeks. The edge of his vision went black, and he fell back against the headboard, which his head hit with a loud bang, before he passed out completely.

The following morning, Connor woke up with a bandage around his head, and a cloth on his forehead. There was a glass of water on the table and Elder Price was sitting slumped on the edge of Elder Thomas' bed, asleep. He'd evidently been keeping watch, and taken care of Connor through what he could only describe as the most terrifying nightmare he'd ever experienced. He swallowed dryly; his head pounded. Elder Price, who he thought only cared for himself had done all of this for him? The thought did nothing to quell his feelings for the missionary.

Then Connor realised Kevin probably had questions. He was in no state to answer them.

'Just turn it off, as usual' he brain advised

'Yeah,' Connor thought, putting on his best smile as he saw Kevin stir. 'Turn it off.'


	3. Night Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crimson is never a good sign.

Connor feels awake. He feels the usual heat of a helldream on his skin, but the air is thinner than usual. He opens his eyes, and instead of seeing the usual red rocky planes, he finds himself staring into darkness. Something makes a clicking noise and suddenly the place is flooded with bright light.

The lights shine down on a stage. Connor can't see past that, it's all darkness, so it appears that the platform is the only thing there. He os wearing a white shirt and pants, along with some white dancing shoes. The lights then dim and a spotlight is set on him. Across on the other side of the stage, another spotlight opens on a figure, also clad in white.

As Connor approaches the figure, the man begins to approach him as well. When the finally meet in the middle, he recognises the other man to be Kevin, his smile as bright as his clothes and his eyes glinting with an air of mystery. Kevin puts an arm around Connor's waist and pulled him closer. The two began to waltz around each other to the soft music playing in the background.

 

It was a beautiful dream, and as the music finally came to a close, Kevin pulls him in for a kiss. When they pull apart, he looks at Kevin fondly, and places a hand on his cheek. Kevin returns his gaze.

"I love you," Connor feels himself say to Kevin. This time there is no look of shock or horror, and Kevin smiled happily.

"I lo-" he begins, and then stops, looking down in alarm. There is a tiny red stain spreading from his chest and onto the pristine white shirt. After a few moments it stops.

"I-" Kevin tries again before once again being cut off as the stain begins to continue spreading. The red has almost completely covered his front now, and a trickle leaks from the corner of his mouth. He collapses onto his knees in front of Connor, who is silent in shock.

When Kevin desperately grabs his shirt, he is jarred back to the harsh reality of the nightmare. "Oh my god, Kevin!" Connor screams, kneeling down to support the man whose entire shirt is dyed crimson.

"No, no, n-no..." He holds Kevin's face, and then Kevin slumps forward, covering him in blood too. Connor just wraps his arms around the dying man and grips the back of his shirt, burying his head in Kevin's shoulder. "No..." He chokes, followed by a broken cry. "No...."

Connor didn't scream when he woke up, instead biting his lip hard enough to bruise. They were getting worse.  
He buried his face in the pillow and waited to see whether sleep or sunrise would claim him first.


	4. Night Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He can't know.

Connor opens his eyes. It's hot, and the thick air hangs around and gets caught in his throat, scratching it raw. The rock face scratches and burns his bare feet, as he trudges to shelter. He needs to get out of the rain, each drop stinging like needles. He finds a ledge and curls up under it, whimpering. It's dark and empty, which is even worse than when it was crowded with sinners.

Eventually it becomes very uncomfortable, but then the rain stops. He crawls out and is immediately seized from behind by something. He yells, having not expected any company in this empty place. He twists in the iron grip, and turns to see a white faced Kevin staring back at him.

"Kevin?" He asks. "What are you...?" He pauses. Kevin doesn't seem to be any better off than he is. He gives him a kiss on the cheek, something he can only do in his dreams. Kevin stares at him blankly. Even at the kiss, his expression does not change.

"Kevin, it's me Connor, is that you?" He asks slowly and shakily.

"You ruined my chances," Kevin says in a raspy voice. "I was going to get into Heaven. I was going to get my own planet. But no, you just had to tempt me and ruin my chances."

"Kevin..." Connor lets out in a broken whisper. He knows this Kevin wasn't real, he couldn't be, not with what he was suggesting anyway.

Connor shakes his head and bites back a sob. "I'm so sorry, god I'm so sorry, Kevin," he keeps repeating over and over again. Kevin's expression still does not change. Connor tries to reach out and grab Kevin's hand to reassure him that everything could still be alright.

Kevin snatches his hand away from Connor's and makes an inhuman hissing noise at him. "Get away from me! Your apologies mean nothing. You've already damned me, Connor." He stands up and steps away from Connor. "You're nothing but a selfish, worthless queer!"

Connor wants to scream. "I don't care!" He shouts back, taking a step forward. His voice cracks and tears stream down his cheeks. "I don't care that I'm worthless, and I already know that, but you can be saved! You are saved! This isn't how you feel but just let me help you!" He sinks down onto his knees. "Just... Let me.." Connor's voice gets smaller and smaller and eventually turns to broken sobs. "You... Don't have to.... See me... If I'm h-hurting you...As long as you.... Can escape this horrible fate..."

"You already ruined my chances," Kevin replies. "I don't ever wanna see you again. Got it?" He crosses his arms and looks down at Connor. "You are nothing to me, and you never will be."

Connor flinches at each word. They burn their way into his brain.

'He could never love me.'

The whole place begins to shake and the floor splits in half, directly under Kevin. The only sounds that can be heard are Kevin's screams of pain as he plummets down and is engulfed by flame and darkness.

Connor opened his eyes when he felt someone shaking him. He looked over at Elder Price. "Hi.." Kevin whispered quietly.

Still shaken and slightly uneasy, Connor tried to keep his distance. He had to remain cool. Connor felt fresh tears rolling down his face. "I'm sorry," he managed. "Just give me a minute..."

He had too compose himself fast. Just smile and put up a facade. He doesn't have to know.

He can't know.


	5. Night Five

It's dark tonight in hell. To Connor's relief, Kevin is no where to be seen. Instead the 'usual' torture begins.

Connor grimaces and eventually cries out in pain, he cries out for Kevin, but Kevin is still nowhere. It's selfish, Connor thinks, for him to want Kevin to be in hell with him, but he just needs someone who wasn't against him. It can't be Kevin, he wants Kevin to go to heaven, like he has always wanted, and often talks about in the forms of 'Planet Orlando'. The thought gives him some comfort as he is mercilessly slashed and beaten.

Connor wakes up. He can't remember dreaming of anything in particular, which hadn't happened to him for as long as he could remember. In his drowsy haze, he notes that Elder Price is sitting on the bed next to him, asleep again.

It is still dark outside, so he figures he should probably go back to sleep. Trying to focus on Kevin being close by, he uses his warmth as a comfort, and frowns when he doesn't find it. He opens his eyes and looked up at Kevin. He looks the same as normal, but he isn't warm to the touch. Then Connor realises- Kevin isn't breathing.

His eyes widen. "E-elder Price?" He asks quietly, sitting up. "Kev-kevin!" He shakes the other man. Still nothing. "No, no, no!" Connor shouts. "Kevin wake up! Kevin! K-ev..." Connor trails off into sobs. He frantically feels for a pulse, and even tries basic CPR, but it's no use. He collapses onto his knees, cradling Kevin in his arms, weeping and desperately crying for help. "God why!" He curses at the ceiling. "Why did you punish him?! Punish me instead! Just bring him back...." Connor doesn't know what to say, or what to do. He notices a note on his pillow It read:

Connor I died for you. I hope you're happy, I won't be, stuck down in this awful place I'm headed now, and it's not my fault- I don't deserve this. Nobody deserves this, except maybe the person reading this letter right now.

The pen had run out after that. Come to think of it, pens didn't usually have brownish ink... Connor comes to the shocking conclusion; it was blood. Kevin had written this in blood, his own blood. He has used his own blood to put across the very obvious point- it was Connor's fault. All of this is his fault, and there is nothing he could do now. Connor screams, he doesn't care how much his chest hurts any more. Then, when he can no longer scream, he sees red, and then black, and then he vaguely remembers collapsing.

Kevin woke up halfway through Connor shaking him and screaming, aware he could do little to stop Connor in this state. He just tried his best to assure Connor that they were both okay, and as per usual it didn't work. When Connor passed out again, Kevin got the cloth and dabbed his forehead.

He usually spent the night watching the district leader- he was a curious man. During the day, he was always so happy, bubbly and cheerful, and then at night this happened to him. All because why...? Kevin didn't know why. He gathered that the man was having hell dreams, Kevin having had two before, one a few nights prior. They were horrible, but nothing like what he saw Connor go through two or three times a night. He hated seeing the poor guy like this, it was horrible. He often had ready a cool cloth and a glass of crease water for Connor, and would help out whenever he could. He knew Elder Thomas had been doing it for the time before he had arrived, but he'd taken over. There were very few people in his life who he even bothered to help out genuinely (and not just because it helped his reputation and position).

This just wasn't fair on the elder, what couldn't he possibly have done that was this bad...? Kevin didn't know. He only knew he felt it was his duty to look after him, whatever that took.


	6. Night Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's dangerous to let you feelings out sometimes. Especially when you can't control the monster they create.

Connor opens his eyes. 'Not again' he thinks to himself. 'It's been a while....' He thinks to himself with a shudder. He stays exact where he is, afraid to move and discover what torture lies in store for him tonight. He brings his knees in to his chest and sits on the rough rocky ground.

After what seems like eternity, connor hears footsteps. He flinches- it could be anyone, it could be-

"Con!" Comes the familiar voice.

Connor looks up ad finds himself staring into concerned Amber eyes. Why is he always teases by those amazing eyes.

"Con what are you doing here?" Kevin asks worriedly.

Connor opens his mouth to answer, but can't. Kevin wraps his arms around Connor's waist and pulls him closer. Connor sobs into Kevin's shirt.

"Kevin this is horrible...." He weeps.

"Shhh hey I know," Kevin whispers back, running comforting circles into Connor's back, causing the other man to lean into the touch. When Connor pulls away to look Kevin in the eyes he smiles. Kevin is just like he wants to remember. He kisses him.

Then, Connor's hand suddenly feels heavy. Taking his arms from behind Kevin, Connor is shocked to find himself holding a gun.

Kevin's eyes fill with tears but he remains smiling, he remains strong. With shaking hands, Kevin gently takes the hand in which Connor is holding the gun. He wordlessly points the gun to his own head, though keeping it in Connor's hand.

"Con..... I don't wanna be here anymore. Please let me escape..." He whimpers quietly.

"No." Connor whispers back. "You can't leave, you can't leave me." His voice cracks.

"Please Con," Kevin is begging now, wide and teary eyes reflecting the firelight. "I trust you to- to pull the trigger, I... I can't do it myself."

Connor can feel tears streaming down his face.

"Kevin I-" Connor feels his finger pull the trigger without him even being uncontrolled. Blood. Goes. Everywhere. The light has left Kevin's eyes and Connor can see his blood everywhere, staining his head, the floor, himself. It makes him feel sick.

"N-no...." Connor mumbles, broken. "KEVIN!" He sinks to his knees and Kevin falls with him. Connor just pulls the corpse closer and sobs, willing the life to return.

Connor's eyes shot open. That was horrific. His hands were shaking and his teeth were chattering. "It was just a...." He began quietly, feeling tears on his cheeks regardless. He closed his eyes and tried to get back to sleep and forget it, but every time tried, he just saw more and more forth horrific pictures of Kevin's death. Connor whimpered and buried his head in the pillow until he is inevitably knocked out again.

This time, Connor is standing in a dark space. He can't see anything. Suddenly a hand grabs his and pulls him to his knees. Suddenly there is a faint flicker and Connor looks down to see a candle. Looking up, he sees the dim candle light reflect off Kevin's face. He doesn't know why its wet, until he shifts and suddenly water is soaking his legs.

"Connor," Kevin is breathing harshly. "This cave..." His voice bounces off the walls.

"Kevin is that actually you...?" Connor asks quietly. "If its not, I don't want to talk to you." His voice becomes a whisper.

The water level is rising, pretty quickly. Connor sees one last glimpse of Kevin's face, as the candle is extinguished. He grabs Kevin's hand and holds it tight, then he gasps as the hand just turns to water and falls to join the rising liquid. For hell, this water is freezing. The water reaches his shoulder and Connor panics, trying to stand up but hitting his head on the low ceiling of the cave. He could have sworn that wasn't there before. Shuddering, he sits back down on the cold floor and hugs his knees to his chest as the cold water rises above his head.

Suddenly there are hands everywhere, touching him and pulling him in every direction. Connor screams, but his shriek is lost to the cold water everywhere as it fills his lungs. Everything hurts and in a split second before unconsciousness he feels every part of his body burn as he is ripped apart.

Connor woke up mid scream. He sees Kevin already awake and putting a comforting hand on his chest. "Hey, hey it was all just a dream," he said softly. That voice. Connor didn't know why he loved it so much but it was soothing in a way he didn't understand.

"All just a..." Connor started before falling asleep again. Kevin dabbed his forehead and made sure he got back to sleep soundly.

When he opens his eyes, Connor is standing inside a rocky cave. Fire charrs the underside of his feet. He holds a knife in his hand and there is a look of wildness in his eyes. He feels broken inside. Growling, he wipes blood of his face with his arm and stared down at the sight before him. inside his own mind he is screaming, but this side of him is locked away and instead replaced with a raged psychopath. This new, broken Connor is the man that wipes blood off his face, completely unphased by what he sees right here in front of him.

"C-Connor please..." Kevin whimpers, his voice cracks and he is barely heard. Kevin is barely alive, clinging to the edge of life by a thin thread. His nose is broken and bleeding and he has deep slashes across his chest, blood falling from the gashes into the crimson puddle on the floor.

"WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!" Connor screams, lashing out at Kevin again wildly, and kicking him in the shins.

"Connor this isn't you..." Kevin whispers before collapsing on his knees in front of Connor. "P-please..."

"Don't you get it?" Connor snarls. "He doesn't like you- I don't like you. I don't love you. And I've been lying, Kevin." Connor kneels down and grabs a fistful of Kevin's hair, pulling his face up to face his own. "How could I love you?" He whispers. This dark Connor, he savours the look of pain on Kevin face, proper pain. In comparison to this, physical pain was nothing.

Connor jerks his Kevin's to the side and the light leaves his eyes. That look of damaged emotional pain is immortalised on Kevin's face as he falls back into the red surrounding his body.

Inside his own head, Connor is screaming and yelling and trying to take back his own body and control is own actions. It's too late anyway. All he can do is watch and feel. He feels every slash and stab and blow. He feels the fatal crack of Kevin's spine and it makes him want to be sick. Paralysed inside his own body, he feels the blood reach his feet.

Its all too much. Connor finally manages to regain some control of himself, pushing this dark side out and far away, it isn't him, it will never be him, it can never be him. He can't look at this nightmare any more. There must be some way to end this. He looks down at the knife in his hands. This is the only way to escape this horrible, twisted dream.

Yelling, he stabs the blade into his own chest, watching as the blood soaks his shirt he crawls down next to Kevin's lifeless body.

"I'm s-sorry," He whispers, cradling Kevin's face, closing his eyes, feeling hot tears trail down his face. This death isn't fast enough, why won't it end already. "I'm sorry, it wasn't me, it wasn't me..." He repeats over and over again.

"I'm sor...." Finally blackness washes over him and he can be left at peace. He has finally escaped.

This time, Connor woke up silently, and oddly peaceful. Kevin had fallen backwards in his sleep and was lying sideways across Connor's chest. It was oddly comforting, so Connor didn't do anything about it. He traced the outline of Kevin's lips with his finger, looking at something he could never touch or kiss.

Kevin shouldn't have to keep doing this for him. Connor didn't know why he even did. He lay in bed and listened to the sound of the village rising along side the sun.


	7. Night Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor is a broken man.

At this point, Connor just wants a change. He wants something to change to stop this all before it even started. It's almost getting it the point where he'll just kill Kevin as quickly as possible to get it over and done with.

'Just kill Kevin as quickly as possible to get it over and done with.'

That is a statement only a broken man would say. Though, Connor would argue, he is a broken man.

Throughout the night, the demons make him kill Kevin over and over and over, and when I finally breaks, they make Kevin kill him over and over.

The worst part is, even though it's just one night it feels like thousands, and having to do this every night for goodness knows how long is probably going to kill him.

"Connor p-please..." Kevin manages in a choked whisper. That's the other thing, Kevin gets realer and realer every time they bring him back. "I thought you l-loved me...."

"I do," Connor replies, his voice breaking slightly, though other than the occasional slip, he learns to cut emotions from his voice. "But you don't." He says crisply, breaking Kevin's neck as swiftly as he possibly can. He feels the sickening crunch of another crushed life slither up his spine and he forces himself not to retch. Connor isn't sure what looked worse; the hurt on Kevin's face before or after he was killed. There is silence for a few precious seconds, before he hears another crack and crunch. Kevin's eyes shoot open.

He turns to face Connor, his head hanging at an ungodly angle. Every syllable he speaks is caught in his throat, and comes out sounding like nails in a bowl of acid, accompanied by the rattling of broken vertebrae.

"Why did you do that?" Kevin spat. "I thought you loved me." Connor recoils at the bloody, yet somehow animated corpse.

"K-Kevin..." He's going to be sick.

"What do I have to do to get you to see Connor?!" Kevin's voice cracks halfway through the statement as his voice rises to a shout.

Connor doesn't have a knife, or a gun, just his hands. There's no way to end this.

"Kevin please!" He whimpers, curling up in a ball on the ground. Kevin drags his broken body over to Connor, scraping his skin on the horrible scratchy rock floor. He grins, his normal smile distorted when he finally reaches Connor.

Connor just wants this to end.

Summoning all his willpower, he kicks Kevin in the chest, in an attempt to get him away, but instead, his foot breaks through skin and bone and gets lodged in Kevin's chest.

Kevin laughs. Connor can feel the ragged breath entering and exiting Kevin's lungs, and the beating of his heart. His eyes widen and he retches, coughing and spluttering.

All the while, Kevin is still laughing. He keeps moving forward and Connor heads another crunch. He can see his own foot come out the other side now, crimson and shining.

He can't take it anymore, and he finally takes off his tie with shaky fingers. At least they gave him this. He gives it to Kevin.

"Pull as hard as you can," Connor sobs.

Kevin takes the tie, and with surprising gentleness, wraps the light blue fabric around Connor's neck.

"I'm sorry, I do love you," Connor whimpers and nods.

Kevin's smile falters for a moment and Connor sees genuine happiness and sadness in the split second before his maniacal grin returns and his hands jerk outwards, pulling hard on the tie.

Connor jolted awake this time, grabbing his neck and gasping for air. Kevin was awake immediately.

"Elder!" He said, shocked. "Elder are you alright?" He took Connor's hands from his throat to make sure there was nothing there, and immediately Connor calmed down a bit.

"Y-yes, I'm fine..." Connor managed in a hoarse whisper.

"You were screaming..." Kevin added, a-are you sure?"

Connor tried not to cry. "Yes," he whimpered. "I'll be fine, you need to get some proper sleep."

Kevin nodded. "For the time being, with some room shuffling, everyone's pretty happy." Everyone had swapped round rooms, seeing as nobody really followed the 'never leave your companion rule' after he himself broke it. He pushed the other bed up along side Connor's and got in. "See? I'm right here," Kevin smiled.

Without thinking, Connor shot out his hand and grabbed Kevin's. Kevin's heart fluttered a little at that, so he didn't say anything.

The two drifted back to sleep as quickly as they could, Connor falling asleep quicker now Kevin was next to him.


	8. Night Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being stuck in a vicious cycle offers no mercy to sinners.

After what Connor can only describe as a hellishly long session of intense emotional and psychological torture, he whimpers and curls up into a ball, sobbing. He hates this so much.

"Hey, Con, con it's okay," Kevin runs his hand down Connor's cheek. "It's okay you're fine." At first Connor whimpers and shies away, knowing the touch can turn cruel at any moment, however eventually he leans into the touch. "You're okay." Connor opens his eyes to see Kevin sitting next to him on his bed. Kevin leans in closer and kisses Connor. Connor returns the kiss and before he realises what's going on, both of them are shamelessly rutting against each other, gasping and moaning. Okay this is new, and much more than anything that's ever happened before, even in the damn desert island dream from forever ago. This time, Connor does things he honestly doesn't think he's ever wanted to try before, and Kevin seems to enjoy it, the pair both feeling more than they have before. Eventually, Connor feels his climax coming and he leans back and closes his eyes.

"Kevin I think I'm gonna-" he bites his lip. Suddenly the feeling is gone.

Connor's eyes shoot open at the feeling of a whip cracking across his back. Thanks to what seems like centuries of abuse, he recognises the holder of the whip from the first lash.

"K-kevin p-lease..." He whimpers curling up into a ball again to try and protect himself. He is rewarded by hearing another crack milliseconds before pain erupts on his skin again, though the initial searing pain subsides quickly, leaving a burning feeling before he hears the whistle of wind before the whip connects with his skin again. He cries out, but no one hears him scream. He hates the vicious cycle, and nothing ever makes it any better.

Connor can't even bring himself to look at Kevin, to see the smug smirk he had, that is somewhat so twisted and distorted. Every time the whip cracks down his yells.

Eventually he jumps awake, tears rolling down his face. "Kevin...." He whispers quietly.

This is the first time Elder Price had heard anyone use his name in over a week. Awake instantly, he just pulled Connor into a hug, knowing this must have been bad.

Connor can hear Kevin, but he isn't moving. He takes away his hands and feels them tacky with blood. "K-Kevin!" He says, panicking. He pulls away the sheet and cries out, seeing the White stained with Scarlett. Kevin's corpse rolls over and his back is exposed, covered in thousands of lash marks. "No, no no..." Connor whispers, shocked. He feels a tear roll down his cheek.

"Elder calm down...." Kevin whispered, trying his best to get through to his district leader, but nothing seemed to be working. He didn't even know the man's first name, but he'd had given him a name because it helps to name the person in your dream who you constantly hold hands with. Maybe that could work.

Connor cries out. He bites his lip in an attempt to stop the sobs, which doesn't work. He curls up into a ball and whimpers, trying to escape this nightmare that feels too real.

"Connor," Kevin whispers, "Con wake up."

The voice makes it through to Connor, breaking a boundary. He has never heard his name said with such softness before, even in pleasant dreams, and the nightmare shatters around him. He feels a hand on his shoulder before someone wraps themselves around him. He jumps and screams, however when he opens his eyes, he sees Kevin, who is staring at him, wide eyed.

Connor let out a choked sob and wrapped his arms around Kevin, relieved to feel a living, breathing person and not a corpse this time. "Oh god I'm so sorry..." He kept mumbling in between sobs.

Connor clung to Kevin and felt powerless to stop himself crying. He hated how little decent sleep he actually got, and his nightmares made him feel tireder than if he hadn't slept in the first place. He felt lightheaded, and could feel himself starting to get weaker again. "'M just so tired...." He whispered, feeling himself slip back asleep.

"It's okay, I'm here for you," Kevin whispered back, letting Connor bury his head in his shoulder.

That was the last thing Connor heard before he passed out. Luckily he had no more nightmares, and was instead stuck back in the black space, alone.

Kevin sighed and gently laid Connor back down and tucked up the sheets.   
No now was not the time to make any rash decisions, Kevin thought, when he was sure Connor was asleep, he placed a light kiss on Connor's forehead. No, now was not the time.


	9. Night Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't spur on the devil.

"Connor!" Kevin screams.

Connor watches wide eyed as the horrible events unfold in front of him. Kevin is tortured, and killed and brought back and killed again. All by Connor, replaying his previous eight nights in this hellish place from start to finish. It goes on forever.

"Front seat hm?" A voice smirks from beside him. Lucifer emerges from the shadows and places a bony hand on Connor's shoulder.

"I admire your handiwork," Lucifer grins. "Sloppy at first, but we cut out most of the emotion by about night seven...." He reports.

Connor has no words, he doesn't want to say anything to spur on the devil.

"I'll check back around night forty to see how for you've progressed," the angel concludes, turning and leaving.

"N-night forty!" Connor bursts out. "But that's..." There's no one to argue with, so he is just forced to remain seated and continues watching with teary eyes.

When he can't take it anymore, something else is brought in. It's Kevin. Connor screams. How is he even alive.

Kevin is brought in and immediately collapses on the floor, gasping. This version of him has every cut, stab and bullet wound Connor's ever distorted Kevin's perfect body with. His neck is once again at its unusual angle and there is still a massive hole in his chest.

"C-con..." He says in a raspy voice, "I can't-" he stops to cough up blood, and can no longer continue, his chest heaving. He struggles for a minute, before pulling something out of his pocket.

"P-pull... Hard...." He whimpers, handing Connor the light blue tie, tinged with a rusty orange around the edges. Connor takes the tie and feels tears rolling down his cheeks.

"You are s-so strong," Connor whispers, wrapping the the around Kevin's neck with the same tenderness he had received last time. He twirls the fabric around his hands and let's out a sob. He can't see Kevin like this anymore.

"...P-pull..." Kevin whimpers again, his voice almost completely gone.

Connor closes his eyes and pulls as hard as he can. There is a brief choking noise and then silence.

He can't open his eyes.

"Con?" Comes a soft voice. It's Kevin's, but he sounds normal. Connor cracks an eye open a little and is relieved to find himself back in his room.

"Hey Kevin," he murmurs, rubbing his head.

Kevin shuffled a little closer. "Another helldream?"

Connor nods sadly.

"It's alright, I'm here for you," Kevin whispers. "I'm also here... For whatever you need..." He says, his voice shifting tone slightly, getting more suggestive towards the end.

Connor feels a hand run up his thigh and he lets out a small gasp, leaning into the touch. Kevin smirks and suddenly his hands are everywhere, going over every curve and detail how an artist would sculpt a figure. Connor shifts slightly and leans in to kiss Kevin, who closes the gap between them. Connor kisses back and Kevin pins him to the bed with strong arms.

A while later, both of them are panting, lying tangled in the sheets and each other, garments discarded off to the side somewhere.

"That was incredible..." Kevin whispers, holding Connor close.

"Truly something incredible..." Connor smiles and agrees.

Kevin's closeness ebbs away and Connor woke up alone in his bed.

Kevin was sleeping soundly next to him in the other bed, though he was very close to Connor. Connor looked down and let out a small gasp at the 'little problem' in his pants.

Kevin murmured something in his sleep and rolled over towards Connor.

"No, no no..." Connor thought. "Now is not the time to-"

Kevin had somehow managed to lie in such a way that he was pressed up against Connor with his arm draped around Connor's waist. Connor groaned at the contact and tried to get out of it, but was ultimately unsuccessful and only succeeded in making it worse from all the friction.

He let out a frustrated huff and hoped that Kevin would sleep through the hustle, and it would go away by the time morning came around.

"Turn it off...." He kept mumbling until he eventually fell asleep again.

A few minutes later, Kevin woke up and frowned when he felt something poking him in the stomach. What was..?

Oh.

Best not to question, or judge, considering the dream he'd just had about Connor, which probably wasn't any cleaner than whatever was causing this for the other Elder.

As he tried his best to ignore it and et back to sleep, he could have sworn he hear Connor moan a soft "Kevin..." In his sleep.


	10. Night Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are nightmares merely made of actors and sets?

Connor is standing on some kind of platform. He steps off it and onto the floor, which is, to his surprise, an actual solid floor, not the scratchy red rock he is used to. He feels hands slip around his waist, and he smiles.

"Hey Kev." He says warmly.

"Hey," comes the familiar whisper. Kevin turns him around, but keeps him close. "This whole dream stuff... Not really fun is it?" He cocks his head to the side.

"No... It's not..." Connor sighs back. "But you're here now so, it might be okay for a while..." He finishes timidly.

"Mmmhm." Kevin nods in agreement. "I'll protect you." He leans down and whispers in Connor's ear "In fact, I'll do whatever you want." When he resumes his previous position, he takes Connor's hand and leads him through the darkness. A frown is on his face.

"Hmm, too dark." He says in disapproval. Kevin claps, and the place is filled with white in every direction as far as the eye can see. "You see, Connor, you can do anything in a dreamscape." He waves a finger and a bed appears in front of them. To demonstrate his point, dream Kevin sits down on the bed and pulls Connor onto his lap. He clicks his fingers and suddenly Connor feels intense heat and the buzzing of Mosquitos that can only mean one place- Uganda. The sun has just set, and the stars are above them. The bed is on the roof of the mission hut and there is a figure sitting at the edge of the roof, gazing up at the stars as well.

"Woah..." Connor whispers. "This is amazing." He frowns when he notices the figure. "Hey, who's that?" He asks curiously.

Dream Kevin chuckles. "It's me... Or at least some version of me." Kevin answers.

"Are you there right now...?" Connor asks.

"I don't know I only know as much as you, I'm in your dream." Kevin replies.

The figure shifts and gets up, making its way across the roof with precaution, before jumping off and onto the branch of a tree and into the darkness below. As he leaves, another figure climbs up from the other side of the building. The figure takes the place of the other, and sighs.

Connor refocuses this one- it's him. Is he always this close to missing Kevin on nights like this? What a shame.

Connor looks back at Dream Kevin and places a kiss on his forehead. Kevin sighs and the dream collapses around them. Connor blinks and finds them back on the bed in the white dreamscape from before.

"That was... Incredible..." Connor whispers. "Can everyone do that? Can I do that?" He asks, curious.

"I don't think you can," dream Kevin says with a sigh. "I'm part of the dream, so I can control it, you're having the dream so I don't think so." He stroked Connor's hair with one hand. "I will always be here for you, okay?" He whispers.

Connor remembers the hand and the bright white light from one of his earlier helldreams. Maybe that was-

"Yes that was me." Kevin smiles. "As part of the dream, I can see what you're thinking too, you kno- hey stop thinking about me without any clothes on!" Kevin pouts.

Connor giggles. "I was just testing." He says.

"Well, I'm just letting you know you can check at any time," kevin says playfully, pushing Connor backwards and pinning him to the bed. "And I mean any time." He whispers.

"Oh I will~" Connor whispers back, looking up at Kevin with hooded eyes. Kevin's leans down to kiss him, but as soon as their lips meet, a voice calls out.

"Now now Kevin this is NOT your job." Came the voice. Connor's eyes widen and he recognises the voice as his own. He feels Kevin thrown off him and he comes face to face with himself.

"W-wait but you're me!" Connor shouts in horror. "H-how does that work!?"

"I'm you alright," dream Connor replies. "Well I was you, once." Briefly a look of sorrow flashes across his eyes, but it is quickly gone and replaced with a look of malice. "And now, I've been whipped and tortured, and slashed and chained," he spits the words and his voice breaks. "And actually," he snarls "there's no hope for you. This is what you will become!" Connor lets out a small whimper and cowers away.

Dream Connor laughs and walks over to where Kevin had been flung. He keeps facing Connor, and doesn't look over at Kevin. "Look at him," he snarls. "He is what ultimately caused your downfall." He kicks Kevin, who coils up and cries out. "I SAID LOOK AT HIM!" Dream Connor shouts. Connor feels his head snap up anyway, he isn't in control anymore.

Dream Connor claps and the previously white dreamspace takes on the usual red rocky atmosphere of hell. The bed disappears and Connor lands on the hot, scratchy ground. Dream Connor yanks up Kevin by his hair, causing him to let out a small whimper. He pulls a blade out of his pocket, and traces the side of Kevin's cheek gently. When he reaches Kevin's neck, he leaves a small cut on either side, before pulling Kevin into a kiss, smirking against his lips, and then slashing his arm. Kevin gasps out, but makes no attempt to stop kiss and break away.

After leaving another slash on the other side, dream Connor wipes his blade on his shirt. "So he lets me. or should I say you, hurt him." He handed Connor the blade with a twisted smile.

"No!" He screams, "stop hurting him!" He knows this is a dream, he tries to get out, by turning the dagger to face his own chest and stabbing himself. However, when the blade reaches his chest, it disintegrates in his hand to dust. Dream Connor simply laughs, picking up the blade as it rematerialises on the floor, and twirling it in his fingers. "Uh uh uh," he chides and wags his finger at Connor. "You're not getting out that easy."

Kevin lets out a gasp when he looks down and notices the pool of blood from the gaping wounds on his arms.

Dream Connor whips his head round to face him. "I didn't say you could make any noises." He says sharply. He turns Kevin's wrist sharply and Connor hears a sickening crunch. He wants to be sick. He looks over at Kevin, who is silently screaming and clutching his hand, which looks mangled and broken.

"Stop!" Connor screams. "Stop it!" He runs past dream Connor and falls on his knees by Kevin's side. "No, no, no!" Kevin looks up at him, begging him not to do anything before doubling over again, a trickle of blood escaping the corner of him mouth.

"Oh Connor, when will you learn to leave him alone?" Dream Connor says patronisingly. He clicks his fingers and kevin turns back to Connor, a dagger in his unbroken hand. "I'm sorry.... I'm so-" he whispers before his hand jolts forwards, straight through Connor's chest and twists sharply.

Connor gasps, and then falls backwards, the last thing he hears are his and Kevin's screams of pain before a wave of black washes over him.

Connor didn't even open his eyes this time when he woke up. He just didn't know how long he could last with this. They still were getting worse, and not just in terms of pain, but also temptation. The things that he and Kevin did sometimes... He couldn't even look the clean cut missionary in the eye sometimes.

Connor heard Kevin shift and he pretended to be asleep. Kevin knew what was up, but outside of night time, they didn't speak about it. He had no idea that he frequently, if not always appeared in them. Connor didn't want him to know, goodness knows what it would do to him.

Connor felt Kevin's hand brush against him and it took all his will power not to tense up. Then, he felt warm fingers entwine with his own and nearly jumped. It was probably just a comfort thing, nothing more. The touch soothed him and soon he was reclaimed by sleep again.


	11. Night Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing here is real.

It's always hot in hell. Connor feels like he's suffocating as he chokes on the heavy air, thick and viscous, almost like treacle. He cries out when he feels the first blow to his legs and falls to the floor, whimpering. The rock scratches at his skin.

"Please, please don't do this..." Connor whimpers again and cowers in fear. Soon his mouth and lungs are filled with fluid, the air finally becoming too much and succumbing to a liquid state. He clutches at his throat and tried to scream out, only managing a choked gurgle.

The liquid stings his eyes and tastes saltier than water. Oh there is no way. He's drowning in blood. Eyes wide, the liquid settled in his lungs and he feels his final scream leave in thick bubbles, trapping the sound.

When he opens his eyes, he's back on dry land and he coughs up the Scarlett liquid, his eyes bulging and his stomach heaving.

Someone kicks him in the stomach and he curls up, retching and coughing. "P-please..." He whimpers, only to be rewarded with another kick. Tears steak down his face, he's a mess.

Kevin grabs him by the neck and hoists him to his feet. There is a wild, inhuman look in his eyes. Connor scrabbled and tried to prise Kevin's hands away, but to no avail.

"Kevin you can put him down now."

The murderous glint is gone at the snap of fingers and Kevin realises what he's doing just as Connor feels the blackness closing in. He recoils immediately in horror and gasps, tears falling from his eyes.

"Con I'm so sorry I'm so-!" He's cut off by another snap, and every time he tries to speak, he gasps for air and clutches at the invisible bonds around his neck, pulling tighter as he struggles.

Connor regains his vision and his breath and looks over horrified. He can't move to save him.

"Kevin!" He cries out, sobbing. "Let him go you monster!"

"Not a chance," the voice comes again, and dream Connor steps out of the shadows with a triumphant smile.

Connor cowers away slightly as his twisted self approaches. Dream Connor smirks and whispers in his ear. "Now is your chance to break him, let him think he's winning."

Connor gasps. "W-what do you m-mean?" He asks, terrified.

The bonds around Kevin's neck stop and he gasps for air. Then, he picks up Connor and runs.

Connor clings to Kevin's shirt and let's him carry him away.

"We're getting far away from him, where no one can hurt you." Kevin says. Connor closes his eyes and feels a tear roll down his cheek.

As they travel further, the red rocks and fire fade away to blank space. The blank space forms a infinitely high wall and Kevin yells and speeds up.

"Kevin we're gonna hit the wall!" Connor shrieks.

Kevin jumps and curls around Connor, the wall shattering as they punch through it.

The pair of them land in blackness in the other side as the white fragments dance and disappear. Kevin uncurls himself and kisses Connor's forehead.

"We should be safe here." He says, wrapping his arms around Connor, who does the same.

"Thank you," Connor whispers. "I love you so much." He buries his head into Kevin's shirt.

"Con? Why are you crying?" Kevin whispers softly, clicking to turn the darkness back into its default blank white dreamscape state.

"I-I don't know..." Connor replies. "Please I just want everything to be okay..." He kisses Kevin's lips. It feels so real, but he knows it isn't.

"Nothing here is real." He says gently. Kevin looks at him sadly.

"I know," he replies. Connor blinks and Kevin is gone.

"Kevin?!" Connor shouts. His voice echoes across the empty space.

"Kev-..." Connor tries again, his voice cracking.

Giving up he curls into a ball and hugs his knees to his chest.

"Good job, Connor."

Connor feels a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't get time to turn around before he feels a sharp, brief pain where his head used to be joined to his neck.

Connor woke up and gasped, clutching at his neck. He tried to calm down, but felt tears rolling down his cheeks. Kevin was still asleep in the bed next to his. He let out a choked sob and wrapped his arms around the other man, whimpering quietly.

Maybe just one.

'Maybe one.' he thought, and leaned forward to kiss Kevin's lips.

Kevin's eyes shot open and he glanced at Connor closeness in confusion for a second before realising what was going on.

Connor made an attempt to move away and bumped his head on the headboard.

"Ouch..." He whined.

"Morning Con." Kevin whispered. "Is your head alright?" He changed the topic away from what might have just happened quickly, cupping Connor's cheek. Okay that wasn't going to help. Oh, wait a second. The images from his last very indulgent dream, which he had just woken up from, flashed through his mind and he felt the blush rising on his cheeks. It was definitely wrong to be thinking of Connor in that way, but honestly he had little control over it, and all he could do was keep it to himself. Now was not the time for Connor to find out, so he tried shifting his hips away, but only succeeded in bringing the two of them closer together.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Connor groaned and felt his cheeks burning up; Kevin was pretty close.

"Sorry I, uh.." He didn't really know how to explain himself.

"No it's okay," Kevin shifted awkwardly, crossing his legs. "Just go back to sleep."

Connor nodded and bit his lip. He felt something pressing against his thigh but decided it would be best to ignore it, and that he was probably imagining it anyway.

'Probably some girl back in salt lake.' His brain told him. He sighed and closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to drag him back down again.


	12. Night Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Consequences still exist in and out of dreams.

Connor hates boxes, especially this one. It's small and made of glass, so he sits cramped, looking out at the horrific sights before him. The usual heat of hell is intensified as the box traps it like a caged bird, and the thick air is even thicker and stuffier now that the only thing moving it its Connor's ragged breathing.

Below him, he sees Kevin staring up at him. Kevin looks confused, though that quickly faded and is replaced with concern and worry. He tried shouting but Connor can't hear him. All Connor can think is 'why is he standing directly under this box?'

Before he can finish his thought, the box is let off its latch and begins to fall. Kevin's scream is the only sound loud enough to pierce the thick glass walls as The box crashes down on both of them.

Connor gasps for breath. There's glass everywhere. He sits up and whimpers. He can't even see out of one eye, and he can't feel any of his limbs properly. With shaking fingers, he tries to pull out the glass shards, but to no avail.

He then notices that the ground isn't scratchy, or rocky as usual... And it's moving?! Connor looks down and sees Kevin beneath him. "Kevin!" He shouts, glass rattling in his throat, but he doesn't care.

Kevin opens his eyes and looks at Connor, breathing hard and heavy. "Sorry Con..." He wheezes.

Connor looks down at the broken man in front of him.

"You know what Kevin? It's okay." Connor said soothingly. "It's okay because if I stay away, none of this will happen to you." Connor feels his worry and fear drain away and he laughs triumphantly.

Kevin tries to talk, but can't, due to a share sticking through his neck. He can only let out a choked cry.

"If I don't care about you, then this will all stop right?" Connor says. "So I'll just, walk away." He turns on his heel.

Kevin tries to beg him to stay, to tell him that he needs him, but Connor refuses.

"Goodbye Kevin."

Connor smirks as he walks away. As he walks, he feels the glass lifting off his skin. Eventually, he feels fine, great even, and all because he stopped caring. This was the key, to stop caring. Connor grinned. He didn't need Kevin Price.

With this in mind, hell started to collapse around him, and the dream faded. Before it faded completely, something flickered red and Connor looked up to see himself for a split second, falling into him in a glass box. The only thing loud enough to puncture the thick glass was the scream that ripped through Connor's throat as the shards entered his neck.

Connor woke up with a gasp. He felt Kevin's arms wrap around him and sighed. He pressed his forehead against Kevin's and caught his breath. Then he remembered, he didn't need this, he didn't need Kevin anymore to be happy. Gently, Connor pushed Kevin back onto his own bed, and then pushed that back across the room, leaving a larger than regulation gap in between, just to be safe.

Satisfied, he got back into bed and closed his eyes. Things were looking up.

Until Kevin started screaming.

Connor's eyes shot open.

"No no no!" Kevin screamed and thrashed around. "You can't kill him you can't!"

Connor resisted the urge to go over and help. He couldn't get attached all over again.

"No no please..." Kevin's screams faded to whimpers. "I don't even know where he is anymore...." Kevin reached his arms out and cried when he couldn't sense anyone there.

Connor rolled over to face the wall away from Kevin. No, he couldn't help.  
He fell asleep again, slightly more troubled than he had intended.

Kevin woke up, gasping for breath with tears streaming down his face and his breath heaving.

"Connor...?"


	13. Day Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the line between dreams and reality become a blur.

It was always hot in Hell. Connor hated it. It seemed like even when he was asleep, he couldn't escape the horrible heat of Uganda. At least the air was thinner at the moment.

He got out of bed with a sigh, expecting whatever there was to come. Then he remembered; Kevin Price didn't matter to him anymore, so why should he have helldreams?

With this knowledge in mind, he hummed happily and continued the dream in peace. There were few people to be found; no demons, no skeletons, no spirits and best of all, no Kevin.

He stepped outside and sighed happily, embracing the Ugandan scenery as opposed to the normal red rocks.

Then, Connor head a gunshot, followed by screaming. Kevin was running towards Connor, shouting something at him. Connor frowned and stepped out of his way, but Kevin tried to drag him back, his eyes wide with fear.

"Okay Kevin leave me alone," Connor said nonchalantly. "Not tonight, please, I thought it had stopped."

Kevin looked confused for a moment and then his face paled, staring at something behind Connor.

Connor turned and saw the shiny barrel of a gun pointing at him. He rolled his eyes and pushed the tip away. "Stop it." He said. "I said no more!"

Out of the corner of his eyes he noticed Kevin being dragged away. And the gun aimed at him instead.

"Okay..." Connor was starting to panic a bit. "This isn't supposed to be happening... I thought I let this all go..."

He heard a click and the gun was loaded. Kevin whimpered and bowed his head.

"Connor..." Kevin sobbed.

Connor looked to Kevin, wide eyed. "Why did I let it go?" He asked. "H-how..." He gritted his teeth and ran to help Kevin with a yell.

A gunshot went off and The ringing echoed in Connor's ears as he fell. Pain exploded in his chest like a bolt of lightning. This was a new level of pain, different from the previous. He clutched at his chest and doubled over in pain. Kevin ran over, screaming. Connor couldn't hear what he was saying.

Kevin pulled Connor into his arms and brushed Connor's hair out of his face. "No, no, no..." He whispered. "No this can't be happening." A tear dripped off the end of his nose and landed on Connor's cheek.

This all felt too real. Why were these dreams so real?

"Kev..." Connor whispered, his voice rattling in his throat. "It's okay...." He reached up, wincing to cup Kevin's cheek. "It's just a dream, dreams can't hurt us in real life. This is just punishment..."

Kevin looked at Connor with wide eyes. "Connor..." He said quietly, trying not to burst into tears. "...this is not a dream."

"That's what you always say..." Connor continued, feeling a numbness at the end of his legs rising through his body.

"It's fine, I'll wake up and go about my normal day any time soon... I can't love you in real life though... Which is really sad."

Kevin looked around and shouted to anyone nearby for a doctor, but no was was there and Connor was losing a lot of blood.

"Connor this is real, you're not dreaming." He said, on the verge of tears.

"Please... Stop trying to convince me." Connor sighed.

"I'm not trying!" Kevin cried out. "It's real and you're gonna die, and I never got to tell you that I love you too!" He couldn't finish and buried his head in Connor's neck.

"You what?" Connor asked, dumbfounded.

"I love you..." Kevin cried into Connor's neck.

Kevin was never allowed to say that in dreams. He was always killed or beaten or taken away. A wave of pain surged through Connor's chest and he cried out as he was hit with the morbid truth.

This was real.

Connor's grip on Kevin tightened and his eyes widened. His vision was going red and darker.

"Kevin... This is real." He stammered and coughed. He felt something dribble down his chin, something red.

He was going to die.

"I'm so sorry..." He started to cry. "But Kevin Price... I love you..." He sobbed. Kevin kneeled over Connor, cradling his broken body.

"Connor Mckinley, I love you too..." He cried out.

"All the helldreams, all the pain... I'm sorry...." Connor whispered.

"Hey no, shh, you're gonna be fine, we'll get a doctor, and you'll be fine!" Kevin said, determinedly lifting Connor up.

His own words came back to him.

'Let him think he's winning.'

"You're right," Connor wheezed. "Let's go..."

Kevin nodded, determinedly and picked Connor up gently, walking in the direction of the doctor's hut.

"You'll be fine, you'll be fine..." Kevin whispered.

Connor cupped Kevin's cheek with one hand. "Yeah, I will." He said softly. "Of course, I'll be... Fine..." He could feel his consciousness slipping, there was no way they would make it.

Bang, gunshot.

Kevin shouted and then started limping determinedly, ignoring the new bullet wound in his leg. He had to save Connor.

Bang, again.

Now Kevin's other leg exploded with pain. But he kept walking, determined to get there.

Connor was crying, feeling Kevin's body heave and struggle to keep walking. They would never make it-

One final gunshot sounded and the ringing echoed in Connor's ears as he fell.

Kevin collapsed finally. The last gunshot knocking his spine and lodging itself in his chest. He gasped for breath and dragged himself closer to Connor, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close.

"Connor..." He said in a choked voice, pain ripping his chest in half with every breath. Tears streamed down his face.

Connor looked at Kevin and and cried too.

"I'm sorry... I don't know why this is real..." He said, intertwining his fingers with Kevin's.

"I'm sorry too, if I'd got to you sooner..." Kevin was cut off as he coughed.

"Shh," Connor managed, cupping Kevin's cheek weakly with his other hand.

"I love you." He whispered.

"Me too... I love you." Kevin whispered back and gently pressed a kiss to Connor's lips.

Connor relished the moment and gripped Kevin's hand tightly.

"I don't think I'm going to make it much further..." Connor mumbled weakly, beginning to lose control over his body and feeling suspended in air.

"Me neither..." Kevin whimpered. He had bled out fast through the wounds to his legs.

"I'm sorry..." He sang quietly. "We reached our ends..."

Connor joined in. "And though we should have seen it coming..."

"Who knows what's around every corner..."

"I'm sorry... It shouldn't have to end this way..."

"But as long as I'm with you..."

"It will all be okay.."

"I love you..."

"I love you.."

They both sang together softly.

"And everything will be..."

Silence.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay well, uh, that's that folks. Hopefully you enjoyed it? If you did, let me know and I'l uh... write something happier...? Yeah, I mean I'll probably try and do that anyway, considering I usually don't read or write angst! Don't know why I wrote this, actually. Alas, heres to a less painful, angsty future! Cheers!


End file.
